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I Met The Leader Of A Movement

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Lenore Skenazy

And I think it’s one of the most important movements of this generation. Will our kids be able to face the challenges of the world if their childhood is bubble wrapped? Isn’t it crazy that a survey reported that 70% or today’s moms played outside every day growing up while only 31% of their children do? Fewer than a third of kids are playing outside these days? What?! Lenore Skenazy’s book, Free Range Kids, systematically breaks down all of our parental fears and explains how our kids need to practice interacting with the world at a much younger age than is the norm of late. Don’t we want a generation of independent and self-reliant kids who will grow up to be confident adults who can solve problems and not look to someone else for the answer?  We need to help get these kids ready to keep this planet on track.

I just heard Lenore speak and even though she is preaching to the choir with me, I heartily enjoyed her humor, reassurances, and call to action. In the above photo she is showing us the inane baby bath water safety duck. Because putting our hand in to test the water is not a good enough gauge of safe temperature. She pointed out that the instructions on the back actually say that an adult should always test the water as well, before putting baby in. What the hell? Another safety gadget to screw with our heads and make us question our good old fashioned common sense and mother’s instinct.

Here a just a few of the many fascinating and inspiring points from her book and articles:

-If you were trying to have your kid abducted and you left them out on the corner, you’d be waiting 750,000 years for it to happen.
-Self-mastery is necessary for self-esteem. Parent assistance is not part of the equation.
-At the age of six, they can make a grilled cheese or pancakes. Our kids are more competent than we think.
-a study found that kids with over controlling parents have higher rates of depression and are less satisfied with life
-In Germany, kids are allowed to walk to the park and hang out their on their own, unsupervised, starting at the age of four. We need don’t need to hover and follow them around at the playground. Why not start leaving them there at the age of six? Is that a good American compromise?
-In other countries, parents think it’s crazy that you’d sit down and play baby games with your kids. They don’t really need us to stimulate them. They can do it just fine on their own.
-Hire the 12 or 13 year-old babysitter. Don’t worry. Not so long ago, and for the majority of time humans have been on this planet, 12 and 13 year olds already had their own babies and the species managed not to die off with this set up.

After Lenore spoke she opened up the floor to questions and comments. Of course one of the moms in audience commented on the horrible judgement she feels from other moms when making parenting decisions. Lenore said that kind of judgement comes from fear. We’re so scared of not being a “good parent”. (A whole chapter in her book speaks to this and does a great job of calming parents down.) It’s suffocating and paralyzing.  Not a good space to come from when we’re trying to parent. So come here to Half Crunchy Mom where I will not judge you if you’re a helicopter parent or a free-range parent, or a commanding parent, or a tired and cranky parent. I know you love your child and you want to do your best. That’s what we all do. I don’t think we’re evil or stupid. No. We’re just trying to do our best.

So if you see a six-year-old playing at the park alone, know that their parent is not evil, they probably just read Free Range Kids. If you see a parent at the park taking away the endlessly morphing and creativity building stick from their child, don’t judge; they are just scared and worried, and want to do their best. Let’s ask ourselves what we can learn from that mom who is different from ourselves. It’s much more productive than judging. We all have made parenting choices that would fall under the free range and helicopter category. What have you tried that is free range? How did it go?



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